Family Connection, Fall 2007

When Disaster Strikes: Helping Children Cope

Bad things happen, and our children are often exposed to them. Sometimes they occur in our communities, in the form of natural disasters like floods or fires, or man-made crises like car or plane accidents, or violent episodes like shootings or bombings. Most often, television exposes children immediately to news of major events such as the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, Hurricane Katrina, and school shootings. In fact, it’s usually impossible to prevent children from experiencing disasters through the media.

When exposed to catastrophes like these, children often display fears and anxieties that can seem extreme. These reactions are normal. With the right support and guidance, they can become resilient enough to weather the most traumatic disaster, and grow stronger from the experience.

Providing Support

Children who experience a disaster or see news of it on television may react with shock. Their sense of security may be shattered. They may not want to stay alone or go out of the house. They may express fears of the dark or going to sleep, or have nightmares or symptoms of illness. What can you do to help?

• Express your love for your children more than usual. Your extra affection will help children feel calm.
• Maintain normal routines, to help children’s sense of stability.
• Be available to children when they need to talk about the disaster.
• Discuss the kinds of emotional reactions people have to disasters, explaining that it’s OK to feel afraid or angry.
• Tell children about the people—police, firefighters, emergency rescue teams—who bring disasters under control, and explain how they help.
• Develop and discuss home safety and emergency procedures.

Building Inner Strength

Young people who have witnessed or experienced a disaster may feel vulnerable, depressed, or distrustful. Many may lack the inner strength to deal with those feelings. They may come to believe that the world is evil, and that they are helpless to respond to that evil. Some even view disasters as a kind of punishment for their own “bad” behavior or thoughts. How can parents help children develop the strength to deal with these feelings?

• Putting experiences into words gives children a sense of more control. Explain to them that disasters are real. Talk about past disasters they may or may not know about. Explain why disastesr happen and what (if anything) can be done to prevent similar things from happening again.
• Teach your children that people make mistakes and do harmful things, but that becoming violent or killing people is never acceptable.
• Help your children understand they are not responsible for the disaster. Assure them that they are good people and would never commit a destructive act.
• Have your children set aside quiet time for reflection to allow them to sort out their feelings. If prayer is part of your family’s religious tradition, encourage your children to pray when they need strength.
• A great way for children to regain a sense of control is for them to express compassion and provide help for the victims of disaster. A child can be transformed from victim into helper by writing letters to survivors or contributing to relief funds.

Communicating & Coping

Children who have experienced disasters, even just seeing them on television, may not be able to talk about it or express their feelings about what they saw. They may feel unsure about the world and why disasters happen. Parents can help by encouraging children to open up about their feelings.

• When talking with your children about their feelings, supply words if they have hard time putting how they feel into words. If they are showing rage toward an event or the forces that caused it, say something like, “You must feel very angry.”
• Listen to your children closely. They may express their feelings in indirect ways.
• Tell your children about your own feelings, but consider their age and maturity level and make sure not to overwhelm them. Be clear and consistent in what you say; contradictory messages might lead to misunderstandings.
• Encourage your children to express their feelings in creative ways, such as through art, writing, or music.
• Talk to your children about how they have the opportunity to grow up to become people who help others, such as doctors, firefighters, teachers, counselors, or police officers.

Children need to be able to rely on the people and the resources around them, on their own inner strengths, and on the ability to express and cope with their feelings. By helping your children respond in a healthy way to tragedies, you are helping them to develop lifelong resilience—the crucial ability to bounce back. 

This story first appeared in the PTA publication "Our Children" magazine, Vol. 1, No. 1. It was created using material taken from What Do You Tell the Children? How to Help Children Deal with Disasters, a booklet created by the Institute for Mental Health Initiatives (IMHI), in Washington, DC 20037. IMHI is the nation’s leading organization dedicated to promoting mental health through public information.